Incantatus Interulus
by Magical Thong
Summary: An adventure of epic proportions


A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first story "Incantatus Interulus". I worked really hard on this and I'm very happy with the way that it turned out, so please give me good reviews. I don't know how long the story will be, but I'm estimating about thirty chapters. Oh, and please tell me what you think of my original character Angelique. I hope she isn't too much of a Mary Sue.

_Chapter One – Legumen Calva_

Angelique K'tanya Shoshana De Lilleford and her girlfriend Colin Creevey were working in the Hogwarts peanut factory as a punishment for enchanting Filch's pink flowery bloomers to spontaneously combust at random intervals. Neville Longbottom ate an entire trashcan of peanuts, but then died because he had a peanut allergy. Harry adjusted the bow tie of his giraffe-skin tuxedo and gulped nervously as he recited his speech in his head. "You are the most beautiful shemale that I have ever laid my perverted but virgin eyes on. Will you give me your wart-encrusted hand in marriage, and make me the happiest woman in the world?" Suddenly he heard the voice of his beloved, and shit his pants with nerves and arousal. "Yiss I weel, you leetle beetch." It was Madame Maxine. They decided to elope but then died but then came back to life because I said so.

"Oh Colin, I love how when I'm high you grow an extra tit." said Angelique as she snorted a line of crack off Colin's Twinkie. Hagrid ate Trelawney with a fried iPod and some caviar because he wanted more attention, but then he was beat to death by Angelique because Trelawney was her father. Suddenly Angelique had a vision, and her beautiful eyes that looked like golden winter skies turned gold-flecked emerald, because it's not like Metamorphmagi and Seers are extremely rare or anything. "Gather, my shiny stars, and take heed!" she squealed as she was butt-fucked by Hedwig. "I see a cloudy dark cloud of dark despair swirling over Hogwarts, bringing darkness and despair to all who witness its cloudy darkness." "Holy titty knockers!" screamed Dumbledore. Everyone in Nebraska had a gigantic orgy and flooded the neighbouring states with cum, but that's irrelevant to the story. "What will we do?" asked Snape. He started crying and mascara ran down his cheeks. Dumbledore bitch-slapped him and told him to man up. Everyone looked at Angelique expectedly, because she's the most powerful witch in Hogwarts. Never mind the fact that she's only fourteen, Dumbledore is supposed to be the most powerful wizard of their time, and Harry is the main character or something, Angelique must be the one to save the day.

Mitch Mitchelson from The Powerpuff Girls wandered in wearing a sparkly two-piece which really complimented his hairy legs and his obese stomach. He fluttered his eyelashes and said in a camp voice "I'm pregnant!" Everyone booed him and then killed him. Angelique did some handy-dandy shit with a samurai sword and a flamethrower and immediately got rid of the threat in her vision, because it's not like she'd actually have to work hard and exert herself or anything. Then she cried because she got a minute scratch on the back of her hand. She wrote her last will and testament leaving every one of her possessions to Dobby. Then she died and came back to life because she's an important character and I said so. Draco Malfoy and Dobby fought to the death over a yellow 2006 Pontiac GTO, but then Fred and George beat them up whilst singing a tear-jerking yet touching number about cheeses on wheels, and then jumped into the passenger seat and sped off to Chuck E Cheese to solicit sex from Ollivander, because everyone knows that they're the same person. It's not like they're individuals with their own thoughts and feelings or anything, because that would just be stupid. Draco and Dobby decided to elope in Michigan, and spent their honeymoon in Detroit, robbing wealthy pensioners of their possessions and snorting crack off each other's asses. The Eiffel Tower exploded, but that's irrelevant to the plot. Then Angelique and Colin finished their shift at the peanut factory and went to have some fun... ;)


End file.
